Remembering my Dad

You may have noticed that I only got 2 days into my ‘A Blog a Day in February’ and then everything went silent. I started with so much gusto but then my Dad fell ill quite suddenly and passed away. It feels strange writing that down…… like it’s a work of fiction rather than reality. I still don’t want to believe that it’s true.

I loved my Dad. He was the very first man in my life and set a high standard for any man to follow. He and my Mum instilled in us the importance of family and always trying your best. These are things are part of my DNA thanks to them.

Whenever I was planning a trip anywhere, I would tell him about it at Sunday lunch. I always relied on my SatNav but he was old school and would discuss at length the roads I should take to get me from A to B. I would give anything to be sitting by his side right now, listening to him plan out my journey.

He would roll his eyes whenever I came up with another crazy idea but I don’t think he ever said that it couldn’t be done. We didn’t really share any fandoms (apart from the fact that he was impressed by the Lord of the Rings movies) and he didn’t really get many of the references I made but it wasn’t until recent weeks, while I’ve been on his computer to try and clear through his paperwork, that I found out that he had read and saved every single blog email that I had ever sent.

I started this List because I thought that life was too short to not at least try to achieve your goals. But now, without him here, I’m struggling to be motivated to carry on with it. He would be so annoyed at that. I can hear his voice in my head, telling me that just because he’s not here doesn’t mean I should stop.

When you are young, you think your Dad is a superhero. That he can do anything and everything he says is right. When you get older, you realise that sometimes your opinions on things can vary greatly and you won’t always agree. My Dad and I would have some very spirited ‘debates’ about politics and the state of the world. I would give anything to speak to him one last time. To tell him I’m scared of what life will be without him and how much I miss him. Hell, I would even wholeheartedly agree with every single thing he said if it meant having one last conversation with him.

I was right when I wrote the List, life is short.

Tell those around you how much you love them whenever you get the chance.

I hope that I feel motivated to continue my List in the future but for now I need and want to concentrate on healing and remembering the wonderful man who always made our family feel safe and loved.

I have no idea who will see this blog post but there’s something quite comforting about knowing that it will be sitting in my Dad’s InBox, even if he will never get to read it.

L-Jx

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