Creating a Dream Superhero..

I’m sitting in my living room. It’s 11.30pm and I’m surrounded by hi-vis vests, wrestling with a pair of scissors and legwarmers and I’m worried that my wig won’t fit.

I feel like I should explain….

 

How hard can it be to create a superhero?  Harder than you would think...

How hard can it be to create a superhero? Harder than you would think…

Number 3 on the list was – Create my own Superhero. I decided to tackle it head on and the first thing I needed was a name.

I’d spent a few days wracking my brains coming up with ideas for a superhero. Most suggestions were considered and then rejected in the same breath…

ICE CREAM WOMAN – she can freeze your heart with just one lick (vetoed as it sounded far too pervy)

MONKEY LADY – she comes out swingin’ (vetoed because, well, do I really want to be dressed as a monkey?)

LASSO LASSIE – a Scottish version of Wonder Woman. Her lasso of truth is basically a chain of Irn Bru chains strung together that she uses to get you close enough to give you a Glesgae Kiss. (Vetoed, as there are very few successful Scottish superheroes other than maybe SuperGran).

Then a thought popped into my head. Dream…..dreamer…dreaming…….dream-something. I couldn’t call myself Dream Girl as that would make me sound like I fancied myself as a bit of a looker (trust me, I really don’t). But I was pretty sure I could fashion myself some kind of sleep-type outfit. An idea was starting to form in my head.

I shared it with Lynsey, the girl I sit next to in the office.

‘What about Dream Catcher?’ she said right away.

‘Dream Catcher!’ I exclaimed. ‘That’s perfect!! She will protect the sleep of the righteous and be a super villain’s worst nightmare!’

She gave me a smile, the kind usually reserved for excited children and then turned back to her computer.

I grabbed a blank piece of paper and started to scribble…

Which brings me back to sitting in my living room at midnight, frantically cutting, stitching and gluing.

I had decided that my costume would be purple and yellow and had spent the first part of the evening running around my local Primark, arts and craft shop and then B&Q trying to gather up the necessary ingredients to create my very own Superhero.

From the feet up I had cobbled together;

  • Converse trainers – so I looked cool and could run fast (and it helped that I had a purple pair already.) Cost – £0
  • Purple leg warmers – because even superheroes feel the cold (from Primark) Cost £2
  • A pair of dark purple tartan ‘lounge pants’ – I used to call them pyjama bottoms but some marketing genius had decided to rename them (again from Primark) Cost £6
  • A long sleeved purple top with big yellow ZZZZZZzzzzzzz…. Emblazoned across the chest – this would be my insignia. Batman has his bat, Superman has his Big S, and Spiderman has his spider. Mine would be the universally recognised sign for snoozing. Cost – £1 for the yellow foam and £2 for the fabric glue
  • A bright yellow belt – cut up from a hi-vis vest that I had found at the bottom of a cupboard. Cost – £0
  • A bright yellow eye mask – cut from the same vest material. Cost £0
  • A black wig. Now this was meant to be from a Snow White Halloween costume but had a faint whiff of redneck mullet rather than fairy tale princess.Cost £0

This had all been fashioned in the space of an evening and cost the grand total of £11.

The last thing I needed to complete my superhero creation was a weapon of some kind. Unfortunately, I’m no Bruce Wayne so I couldn’t just tap into the vast family fortune to fund extensive research and development to come up with all the best toys. No, I had some bright yellow thick string found in the bargain bin of B&Q (£1) and the will and desire to create something from nothing.

I had decided that the best thing to make as a weapon with my limited resources, time ticking on the clock and my mind getting sleepy, was a net of some kind. The Dream Catcher would catch nightmare criminals in her net of justice!

11.45pm – first attempt at net, soon realise as I start to bind the string together in a net like fashion that the lengths I have cut will make the net just big enough to catch a rodent sized criminal. So if I’m up against RatMan or The Gerbil Guy I’ll be fine but not perhaps what I was going for. Need to start again.

12.07am – have tripled the length of string that I am using in the hope of getting a man man-sized net out of it

12.23am – have so far managed to tie together three lengths of the string so it looks like a very bright and colourful table tennis net.

12.34am – managed to slice my finger open but am so sleepy that I didn’t notice until I had bled all over one of my strings. Have to unpick it and start again.

1.24am – I’m finished! I would do a dance of joy but have to be up in five hours to go to work, you know, the actual kind that pays the bills not the crime stopping kind. As I stand up and grab the net, most of it falls apart until I’m left grasping a few bits of string that resemble a tramps vest – not very superhero-y. I decide to give in and head upstairs

As I crawl into bed and cuddle up to Husband he mumbles ‘Did you get it finished?’

‘Not really’ I say as I cuddle into his armpit, ‘I thought I did but then it fell apart in my hands. Less superhero weapon and more Blue Peter disaster.’

Clearly not paying attention he kisses me on the head ‘I’m sure criminals will be quaking in their boots’ before he turns over and starts snoring again.

I fall asleep in minutes and dream of being a fish being caught in a giant net. When the fisherman pulls me out I wave my fin in front of him and say

‘These are not the fish you are looking for.’

Think I might need to lay off the late night crime fighting…

Next day, first stop of the day….Argos to buy a fishing net which sets me back £14.99. It’s big enough to trap a midget crime lord in and I’m convinced it will look the part.

After yawning my way through my day at work, I head home to get kitted up in my superhero outfit to get some photos taken.  I’m quite sleepy and just fancy slumping on the sofa watching my recorded episodes of Game of Thrones but I remind myself that evil never sleeps so the good must be ever watchful.

After dinner, I get kitted up and persuade my husband to take some pictures of me in my outfit. When I had asked him that morning to take some pictures of me in various poses he looked hopeful for a minute that I might be signing him up for something kinky then obviously remembered out the challenge and nodded his head resignedly.

‘OK’ I say once I’m in my superhero garb ‘So I think I need a full length shot and then an action shot.’

As I’m balanced on one foot, unable to see because my eye mask has slipped, my wig gradually falling off my head, trying to make my old man fishing net look suitably threatening while hubby snaps away with the camera, I remind myself that I am a 32 year old woman with a semi-respectable job and a mortgage. What am I doing?

Then I realise, this is the whole point. The whole reason for having this Adventure is yes, to do lots of things that I want to do but also to have fun. Life shouldn’t be so serious. I don’t want to go to work all day and have to be ‘grown-up’ and ‘responsible’ in there all day only to finish for the day and then come home and do the same thing. I want to have fun, laugh and be silly. There aren’t enough opportunities to just have a giggle in life.

With that thought in my head I launch myself at my husband and he gets the best picture of the night.

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